Recipes Cook Ideas: Little Love’s Genesis

“Birth isn’t something we suffer, but something we actively do and exalt in.” ~ Sheila Kitzinger

I don’t normally share much about my personal life here, but today is a special occasion. It’s Little Love’s birthday! This is my story, the homebirth of my daughter. It’s very personal and dear to my heart. I know I normally share recipes here, but this fits under Holistic Health for me, and it’s another passion of mine. I hope you enjoy.

Please keep comments respectful. This story is my personal experience. I understand homebirth is not for everyone, and for some, health conditions prevent it from being a possibility. Homebirth was what was best for me and my baby.

Litte Love

Little Love’s Genesis

On July 8, 2006 I found myself wide awake, laying in bed, overwhelmed with this feeling I had not had before. I couldn’t wait any longer, I needed to know, so I got out of bed and took a pregnancy test. I was so nervous and for some reason felt that I could not look at the test strip this time, so I left the room. The previous months of looking at the test strip had been hard, filled with sadness after seeing that I wasn’t pregnant. This time, I just needed to wait a minute before I could look. After four months of trying, there were two pink lines, loud and clear! I screamed, "I knew it!" and started to cry, overwhelmed with excitement. Finally, after four months of trying, I was pregnant!

I read the book Spiritual Midwifery by Ina May Gaskin in college. My college roommate/dear friend loaned it to me and I was so grateful. This book blew me away! I knew after reading this I wanted to have a homebirth someday. But, I let the fear in, the fear based comments from family and friends about how homebirth was dangerous, and I put my dream aside.

My prenatal experience started with a horrible OB/Gyn doctor's office. Even with scheduled appointments, I always waited at least an hour before being seen, and the prenatal visits were about five minutes. The visits were so rushed, I honestly don’t think you can call this prenatal “care” – really, how can there possibly be CARE in five minutes, how can you possibly ask questions or learn anything in such a short amount of time? About five months went on with this kind of “care” and then serendipity hit.

I was out to eat, having Thai food at one of my favorite restaurants, and I ran into some friends. I had not seen them in a while and I shared that I was pregnant. They asked about how my experience was so far. And then … my serendipity moment, they offered to share about their experience with homebirth. They had both of their kids at home and hearing their stories just soothed my soul. I knew at that moment I would never go back to the OB’s office. My body, my baby, my life, my choice - this was my mantra from that day forward.

They gave me their midwife’s number and I called her that night. She called me back right away and was so kind and caring. But, she was not available around the time of my due date, so she referred me to my beloved midwife Tosi. The first second I spoke with Tosi, I knew she was a kindred spirit. She spoke with me for quite some time on the phone, answered all of my questions, and was so caring and compassionate. I scheduled an appointment for a consultation right away. Before the appointment, she mailed me a packet with tons of information, I didn’t receive anything like this from the OB’s office, the amount of information was amazing. I learned so much from that packet, things that I had no idea about. After my first consultation with Tosi, I knew, without a doubt, that having a homebirth with Birthstream was the best decision I had made.

I had my first prenatal appointment with Birthstream on November 13, 2006 and what an amazing experience that was! Tosi came to my house and spent a little over an hour with me, and this was a free consult. It was such a blessing to have this kind of dedicated loving care, and it was in MY home! Tosi shared so much knowledge with me, so much important information that the OB’s office never shared. She did the usual prenatal checkup, taking my blood pressure, pulse, weight, checking my urine, measuring my tummy, etc. She also let me hear Little Love’s heartbeat and she helped me feel the different body parts of my baby. She actually wanted to hear about my pregnancy and my experience so far. I shared with her that on September 25, 2006, I felt Little Love move for the first time (and how amazing that was) and that I found out she was a girl on October 18, 2006. Tosi took so much time with me, making sure all of my questions were answered and that I was comfortable. This was very different from my horrible five-minute appointments at the OB's office, where I always had to wait at least an hour before I was seen for my scheduled appointment. All of my prenatal appointments with Birthstream, whether it was Tosi, Claudia or Rachel, were all so special and informative. Tosi, Claudia and Rachel made me feel so special, safe and comfortable.

Before I knew it, it was Monday, March 5, 2007 and I had started to go into early labor. It was just a regular day and I was carrying on with my normal routine at home. I had been having Braxton-Hicks contractions for quite some time, but late in the afternoon, they started to feel different. I started feeling these stronger contractions around 3:00 p.m. The contractions felt intense to me, a feeling I had never experienced before. Wondering what to do, I called my midwives and Rachel came to my house right away. She arrived at 9:00 p.m. and checked in with me. I was very calm, breathing through my contractions, sitting on the birth ball and sipping water. Rachel was so wonderful, she rubbed my back, which was hurting and talked to me in a caring, quiet voice. My contractions were not really going anywhere and at 11:45 p.m. she did a vaginal exam, just to help determine where I was in my labor. At this point, I was 1 cm dilated. Shortly after the exam, Tosi arrived too. Both Rachel and Tosi gave me great advice, and suggested I try to sleep. Since I was working hard, but not progressing, they gave me some Skullcap tincture to help my uterus relax and to help me sleep. They wanted me to check in with them in the morning. After tucking me in bed, they left. I tried to sleep, but I just couldn’t, and that was the story for the next few days. My labor continued and Tosi and Rachel suggested taking walks, resting when possible (since I could not sleep through the contractions), and to try and go on with my normal routine. So this is what I did. I staying hydrated and nourished. I went for walks at McKinley Park and around my neighborhood, stopping many times when I had a contraction. On Tuesday, my dad and stepmom came into town, that night they met with my mom and my dear friend Rick and picked up dinner to bring over. It was a quiet dinner since I was really concentrating on my contractions. I was aware enough to notice that my dad had started timing my contractions, which was really special. At this point they were about 7-8 minutes apart. That night I took more Skullcap and tried to sleep, but I was just unable to sleep through the contractions. Wednesday morning soon arrived and I still was having the same intense contractions, but not really progressing. Claudia came over at 10:30 a.m. to check up on me. I was just relaxing on the couch, having milder contractions about 5-8 minutes apart, but again, no major progression. We all decided not to do a vaginal exam because if I had not progressed I did not want that to discourage me. So, I kept up with resting as much as possible. Claudia wanted me to rest and try to get out of the house and be a little more mobile. We also talked about having a small glass of wine to help me and my uterus relax. I have to admit, we talked about this for a while because I didn’t know much about this then, and I felt worried about drinking the wine. But after learning more about the purpose behind it and the safety, it made sense, and I agreed to have some. Shortly after the visit, I called my dad to talk to him about how I was progressing, and since nothing huge was happening, my dad and stepmom decided to drive back to their house. We laughed about the possibility that Little Love would come as soon as they got home.

So wine and a veggie sandwich for lunch it was. This sandwich, which I normally loved, was not tasting that good to me and I had trouble eating it. I was feeling really uncomfortable and trying to rest in the dark, breathing through my contractions, which seemed to be getting really strong and very intense. At this point, a call to Tosi was made. She suggested I try to eat anything, then try to go to bed and if I had not fallen asleep by 10:00 pm to call her back. I tried eating foods that I normally loved, but the smells were nauseating to me. I couldn’t even eat guacamole, one of my favorites. I ended up having a few bites of chocolate pudding and that was it. My contractions were getting so intense and I went back to my bedroom to see if I could sleep (who was I kidding, I had not slept through my contractions in days). I was in bed only moments, lying on my left side, breathing through my contractions. [At this point, my memory gets a little bit sketchy, but with the help my Birthstream labor record, I have been able to piece it together.] I felt like I had to go to the bathroom, so I got up to go and I passed my mucus plug. Then I got back into bed. Another call to Tosi was made. She said she was pleased with my progression and to rest and keep her informed. Meanwhile my contractions were so intense and close together, about 1-3 minutes apart. I felt like I needed to push. So another call was made to Tosi. Tosi said she would call Rachel and be on her way. Rachel and Tosi arrived around 10:00 p.m. at my house. I was still lying in bed on my left side, really feeling the urge to push, breathing through my contractions. During this time, Rachel was getting the birthing tub filled up along with prepping everything else. My contractions were now 3 minutes apart lasting about 60 seconds. At 10:10 p.m. Tosi did a vaginal exam and I was 7-8 cm dilated and Little Love was very low down. At 10:56 p.m. I went into the bathroom - still wanting to push - and as I went to the bathroom, I felt this pop, and my water broke! The clear fluids felt like they rushed out of me. By 11:03 p.m. Tosi had helped get me undressed and out into the living room where the birthing tub was. Someone helped me into the tub (memory lapse), which I was dying to get into, and I immediately started to relax from the warmth of the water. The water was so amazingly comforting and peaceful. The pain I was in lessened in an instant! I ended up kneeling, legs spread apart, facing the wall of the tub and squeezing the edge. By 11:07 p.m. I was bearing down with my contractions. I was very withdrawn and had totally turned inward. I was just listening to what my body wanted me to do. No one was anxiously hovering over me or staring at me waiting for what was going to happen next (this is how it should be when women are in labor and giving birth). For the most part, no one was talking when I was pushing, it was very peaceful and allowed me to do what I needed to do. I tried to let go of my mind and just let this birth process happen. By 11:15 p.m. I felt Little Love moving down, it was the most incredible feeling. At 11:25 p.m. I started actively pushing and had sips of water during this time. I remember that I was making some loud sounds, mostly moaning loud, which was very beneficial. I was just doing what my body was telling me to do. I was positive through the whole experience, I just turned myself over to my body and listened to her, and she told me what to do and I trusted her. I tried to focus on surrendering to and trusting my birth process. I believed in the strength of my own body. I quietly told myself, "You can do this, you are strong, women have been doing this forever, trust yourself, your body knows what to do.” At 11:48 p.m. Rachel got me some Tropical Recharge and I took sips of it to help give me some energy, a little boost. At midnight, Little Love’s head was visible. Tosi quietly said, "Your baby has dark hair, feel your baby's head," and I reached down and felt her. As I felt her head I thought to myself, SHE IS ALMOST HERE! At that moment, I felt Little Love turn her body inside of me, turn her shoulders and I felt her coming down! It was the most mind-blowing, amazing feeling I had ever experienced. Before I knew it Tosi was softly telling me not to push, but to just blow through the contraction. So that is what I did and at 12:21 a.m. Little Love's head was out and at 12:21:30 seconds, March 8, 2007, Little Love was born! Tosi gently pushed her through my legs and said, “Take your baby.” I picked her up out of the water, held her and turned around in the tub gazing at her. She gave out the sweetest little cry. I was so overjoyed with love. Giving birth to Little Love was the most amazing and rewarding experience. I gave birth to her, no one “delivered” her, we did the work together.

Tired Mommy & Little Love, just minutes old, still w/ vernix

Minutes after Little Love was born, Tosi and Rachel helped me out of the birthing tub and to the couch. Little Love was pretty alert and she immediately tried to wiggle up my chest to nurse. This was so beautiful watching her do something that is so natural. There she remained, trying to suckle. At 12:40 a.m. I delivered the placenta, Little Love's first home. Five minutes later Little Love’s umbilical cord was cut. I spent this precious time watching Little Love in amazement, so in love with her, and so unaware of anything else that was going on. During this time, Rachel had been in the kitchen and came out with a surprise. She had put together a BIRTHday plate beautifully arranged with apples, cheese and crackers and in the middle, a purple candle. Rachel and Tosi sang Happy Birthday to Little Love. This was such a special and thoughtful gift. I was so touched by that precious moment. I blew out the candle and then ate some of the food, and seriously, it seemed like the best apples, cheese and crackers that I had ever had in my life.

A very tired Little Love

Little Love and I were together for about 1.5 hours without being separated. By 2:00 a.m., Rachel gave Little Love her first exam, and still, Little Love was right by me, just down at the end of the couch. Little Love weighed 7 pounds 5 ounces and was 21 1/2 inches long. She was in perfect health. Around 2:30 a.m., Tosi took me to the back of house to help get me cleaned up. I ended up fainting once we got back to the bathroom for a minute, but I was fine, and Tosi protected my fall. Of course, like all midwives, they are prepared with all the necessary emergency items. I’m not sure what it was, maybe smelling salts, but Tosi helped get me back. Afterwards, Tosi helped me up, got me to go to the bathroom, and used some herbs to wash and clean me up. By 2:40 a.m. Tosi and Rachel had helped me into bed. I had a small tear that Tosi sutured while Rachel gave me some homeopathics to naturally help with any pain. By 3:45 a.m. Tosi and Rachel tucked Little Love and me into our bed. Meanwhile, Tosi left to go to another birth and Rachel cleaned up the house and started the laundry. By 4:10 a.m. Rachel had left to join Tosi at another birth.

Happily Nursing

So Sleepy

Having a homebirth was the most amazing experience of my life. I could not imagine giving birth any other way. I believe that birthing is not a medical procedure and I certainly was not sick, so there was no reason for me to give birth in a hospital. It was so special being able to give birth in my own home, in quiet, semidarkness, with my beloved midwives in attendance. To be in my own bed at the end was the biggest gift ever. This is the way it was meant to be. Laboring and giving birth to a baby is the most natural thing and women have been doing it for years and years. A woman's body is built to do this.

Birthing is such a sacred experience, a special journey, one you can never get back. Homebirth is not for everyone, but home is the only environment where the woman can control everything - how she births and what she wants to do. My hope is that young women and women at least know ALL of their options, do their own research and don’t take one answer as the end all answer. Women are strong and capable, and our bodies were designed to birth babies. It’s a woman’s right to decide how she wants to give birth to her baby. It’s also a woman’s right to have ALL information available, so SHE can make a decision based on awareness and knowledge, not based on fear.

Create Your Own Journey

If you are interested in more info…

Highly Recommended Documentaries:

The Business of Being Born